Working through the worry

With Hannah's yearly Birmingham check up coming up tomorrow morning the paranoia is cranking up several notches.

Will her bloods be normal? That is always the first worry. Last time her enzymes which indicate liver cell death were higher than the previous result. I hope that's because she was unwell, and that they are the same or lower than then, putting them back into normal range. The enzymes don't tell us how well her liver is working, but the way I see it the lower they are the happier her liver is. Previously the tests which show how well her liver is working (albumin, bilirubin) have been perfectly normal and there's no evidence they will be otherwise this time. If there was a problem with those she would have noticable symptoms - fluid in her abdomen (ascites) or jaundice. Those are the really important ones and along with clotting factors are the ones where abnormal results would indicate we would be thinking about transplant.

The next thing to worry about is whether there is any indication that her portal hypertension has worsened. This would be the case if her spleen is palpable or if her platelets are low. If those are both OK then we should be good to go till next year before she has an ultrasound and possibly endoscopy. If there is an indication it has worsened (I've now also convinced myself she has spider veins on her face, hoping this will be debunked) then those may take place this summer.

Really, the main worry is whether something will happen this visit to detract from our 'normal' life. Sometimes I feel like we have always got the lucky hand when it comes to liver disease and that one day we will be dealt a really shitty one to make up for it. Like our lion has spent so much time asleep that when he wakes up he is going to be full of energy and ready for a fight. Each time we go for a check up and they are so pleased with Hannah's progress I am walking on air, but at the same time feel like I was given a get out of jail free card. When the next appointment is due I can't help but wonder if one day they might all be used up.

So hopefully this time tomorrow I will have an update that says 'stable'. I've opted to have the bloods done there this time so will have to wait another couple of days for those.